Sunday, January 24, 2016
My Dear Friend and Brother Purushothaman!!!
My dear friend and brother Purushothaman,
In next few hours, you would have physically left all of us. But you will live in many of our hearts forever. We may not be able to retain the same pain and distress forever but all of us will keep thinking of you very often or some of us at least once in a while. Everyone will have their own reason to remember you. I have mine as well. Personally, for me, this is the closest untimely death I have seen in my life. Most of us would have had an experience of losing a close friend in school days. But I have never had one. You are not my childhood friend, you are not my school mate, you are not my college mate, or you are not even my bachelorhood friend. However, you had a better place in my heart than many of those friends. The only reason for that is, your innocence and credulity. That is the reason why I had an opportunity to stay with you during my last couple of weeks in Singapore after leaving my family in India. It’s those two weeks of closeness with you that has broken me more now.
Everyone likes a particular virtue in others. One such virtue that attracts me towards people is their credulity. The world has hardly anyone who doesn’t like credulous people. But not everyone consciously chooses to have such people in their life. We worked for the same company. But there was nothing that united us from work perspective. It’s the desk that I got next to yours in our workplace that brought us closer first. We weren’t together for even a year. However, we continued to be in touch even after I left Singapore. Wherever I am, you called me to speak about every good thing that happened in your life as well as the minor issues that you had in your work life. All those celebrations and frustrations are lying meaningless next to your body today!
The most frequent thing that we talked about in our discussions was about being good in this bad world. Even your death looks like an answer to that.
It was when my son was born… I used to often tell you, “In this cruel world, which is going to get crueler, I have given birth to another child!” You would always reply, “Boss, how did we manage to live in this world? The same way, they will learn to live their lives too. Leave it!” Even now when I am overly worried, I think of those words. Today, I stand stranded losing a real good brother to the same land that gave birth to my son.
When the news of your death came, many people said, “God likes to keep good people with him”. My relationship with God is a confused one. I don’t have the ability to understand His logics. But your death seems to prove it right. I am not sure how true this is – but I somehow feel that it’s the good people who have untimely death most times. Maybe because this world will harass them more, they are taken away from it!
Maybe because you and my wife were born on the same day, I would always see herself in you when I come to office and yourself in her when I go home. I think I have told you about this a couple of times. It’s the same credulity to believe everyone as good and the denial to even think about other people’s ill intentions, which any common man would easily understand. As much as it irritates me, I admire you for that too.
I always felt proud of myself whenever you would tell me with your standard – innocent smile, “Boss, I don’t like to think too much about anything. You are trying to spoil me!” I am still unable to figure out how someone who was so casual about life, who never liked to get stressed over worldly things had a burst in a vein that went to his brain.
We have all heard this and read many times, “life is an illusion”, “nothing is permanent in life”, etc. But this is the first time I realize it so hard. We realize only when such things happen in our close circles right! I never used to bother about the theories of what happens to one’s spirit or soul after-death and all that. I would always think, it’s the same thing that happens to the spirit of a machine that stops working or that of the chicken or goat that gets slaughtered for our food. But when I heard about your brain death, I couldn’t control myself from thinking of what would have happened to your spirit or soul.
When I heard about your death, I had a strange confusing feeling. On one side, it felt like a loss of a brother. On another, when I thought of your young wife who came with you to Singapore with so many dreams about her life, it was like that of a brother whose sister lost everything all of a sudden. I am sure we could have been of some help to your suffering family along with all other friends if we had been in Singapore at this hour of grief. More than myself, I am sure my wife would have been of great support to your wife.
On the night before the official declaration of your death, when I heard your parents and wife were begging their God for your return, I had this thought, which I have never had in my life – ‘If I also go and beg the God like them throughout this night, will he get up and come to life tomorrow morning???’ Though not so much, all over the world, for the last one week, there were many good souls that sincerely prayed for your return. But we didn’t get an answer for that.
I want to cry like mad and I am not able to do that. But when you were brain dead itself, some friends had posted “RIP” on Facebook. The first time when I saw that, I had a few drops of tears edging from my eyes. After that, every time I saw your photo or heard about you or your family members who were struggling to save you, I got a few drops of tears edging out the same way. All days are filled with your thoughts intermittently. I wake up every half an hour in the nights. I see your face inside my eyes. I don’t feel like wiping the few drops and try to continue my sleep. I wake up again and try to sleep again. This cycle continued for two days. After it was confirmed that you were no more, even these feelings are going down. These feelings and memories will fade away slowly over time. That’s the reason I want to write everything that goes through my mind right now.
When you were on your deathbed, the number of people who were running from pillar to post to save your live and those who prayed for your return shows the quality of life you lived. As far as I could make out from what I heard, you must not have had much of physical pain. Even that, according to the philosophies we have heard, is an answer to the kind and caring life that you led.
You often told me that you wanted to educate at least one poor child with your money. I am not sure how many people had an opportunity to see this face of yours. But I am sure you would have told this to at least your close friends and family members. I have seen you stranded with no money for even basics after giving out everything you had including your ring and chain to pledge to your friends for their unnecessary expenses. A person like you not being able to live in this world raises more questions on the philosophies we have heard.
Finally, when I left Singapore, you came to the airport to see me off. You were standing in the same place waving your hand in your own style until I went away from your sight. At that minute, I was thinking about the next opportunity for us to meet. We talked about meeting in Bangalore and then in your wedding. Nothing worked out. I always used to think I had someone in Singapore whenever I would go there in future. Today, everything is shattered. You have left us breaking the hearts of mine and more severely many others’ now. I pray that may all those who are affected by your death directly or mentally come out of it as early as possible. This world should see many more Purushothamans! At least I should have many more Purushothamans in my life!! All of them should live much much longer and make this world a far better place!!!
You won’t know that you were one of them who inspired me to write this small poetry in my own language… All I can dedicate for you today is this! Goodbye my dear friend!! The friend you saw off from Singapore airport is seeing you off from this world’s airport, continuously waving my hand, until you go out of my sight… We will surely meet again! (#Tears)
*** Good People
Out of self-pity
This is not a good people’s world
Someone like you comes in my life
And proves to me
I am not as good as them
And I should continue to be at least as good as what I am today!