Saturday, January 07, 2006

Discussion on Romance... (Ex BCians Group)


Suddenly a "You got a mail!" from Raghuraman Kadambi, writing from the city of romance, Paris, asking for the views of everybody in the elite ex BCians group on love and romance...

BHAR after thinking for a long time decides to write about varios types of romances based on the observations as a spectator, like the classification of men and women by Vatsyayana (Yes, the same guy, Kamasutra man)!

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As I am the least experienced in this domain, there is very little that I can offer. Still that cannot be an excuse for escaping and I will try my best...

ROMANCE...

That is a very complicated mechanism ("Is it as complicated as the recruitment process in BC?"... "Yes, it's more complicated than that!"), using which fools become intellectuals and vice versa (This is like our canned freshers becoming managers and managers becoming programmers overnight in BC). I have seen this happening to my friends.

There was a senior in our college, who was a big time smoker and drunkard. He suddenly quit everything, started studying vigorously and cleared all his arrears. Finally when we found out who was behind all these it was a girl as usual. Then there was another fellow who never used to even look at other girls (even the most gorgeous ones) just because he was in love with someone. This is about our village romances. They are so loyal and foolish to their loved ones. J

I don’t think we need any example for the vice-versa case. Most of the ones we have seen fall in this category. We anyway know about people who screwed their personal lives, professional lives, health, wealth, happiness et al. J

Hence it is a virus living within each one of us (males, females and others too), which is as dangerous as HIV for some and as good as NAV (Norton Anti Virus) for others.

As Raghu said, for some, they feel it whenever they see a girl (not necessarily when they meet, even when they see one on pictures, paintings, carvings, etc.). Most of us fall in this category (‘Average’).

For many others, it’s too private and they feel same as the ‘Average’ but they don’t express it. If at all they do, it happens only when they are drunk. Other times, they look very decent and innocent. After all, romance is not an indecent thing in any way. Every body experiences that. These people are concerned about their image (‘Secret Flirts’). The one who finds out the highest number people of this category in our group will receive a secret gift. J

The next category is that of people who have never felt this. I was thinking I was one of them. One of my latest discoveries is, “no, I am not”. I really doubt if there is any such person on this earth. If some one claims so then he/ she is the “BLUFF MASTER” as Raghu was saying. This is like ‘Utopia’, just a concept which is never possible. Though Utopia looks like ideal and perfect, it would have been worse than the worst if we had experienced it.

Next is called “Onida’s neighbor” or “green-eyed monsters” category. Though they can also do on their own they never try themselves. They just envy the ones who do it. Most of their life is spent in digestion problems and constipation.

There is a poor category called “Helpdesk”. This is applicable only for boys and men. These guys are extremely excited when some one says “thanks”. Their direct synonym for Romance is “Helpdesk”. Just keep helping her for booking tickets, paying electricity bills, buy her everything she loves (right from chocolates to ring for birthdays), pick up and drop, etc. their motto is “pure love is nothing more than getting your loved one what she needs”.

Another category is “phantom item” (you might have heard about this in Mfg-Pro, which is different from this. The only similarity is that both look like they exist but they don’t). Keep talking about girls/ girl friends (if you are a boy and vice versa) and your experiences with them, especially in front of girls hoping that by this kind of talks he would get one. But in reality, he would have never spoken to anybody other than his mother and sister in his life time.

Another peculiar case is “Patriot” (this is not the missile used by America against Iraq). People in this category are very particular about the caste, community, religion, region, language, country of their girl/boy friends. In their opinion even romance should not be offered to somebody outside your group. Most of the times, they break their bones when they fall (in love).

Just opposite to the previous one is “cross border terrorists”. They love their caste, community, etc. but when it comes to romance they don’t like to have it with someone of their own group. It has to be with “others” only. Some people do it because of their excessive love on their people too.

There is another dangerous category, which calls their loved ones “sister”, “brother”, “cousin” and all that initially (to start with) thinking that it could be converted later (like pre-paid to post-paid). But they end-up calling as they started only. So sad…

The most pitiable group is this – “strategic investors”. These fellows waste their money on good dress, perfume, cosmetics, bike, gym, etc. If you ask them “can you buy love for money?” they will immediately shoot back and say “No, impossible”. But these are the ones who strongly believe in it.

“Loud speakers” (public nuisance) are the ones that we see everywhere. They shout aloud when they talk, be it whatever – over phone/ direct, business/ personal/ sports/ politics, anything. Their idea is that people are impressed by their dialogues when they talk aloud. It’s not just speaking aloud. They do a lot of funny things. I would love to write a book on this (Raghu – note this point your honor!) if Arundhati Roy has not covered them in her “God of small things”.

Then a category called “Indian cricket team”. It looks very strong on paper. They are most popular off the field. But the moment they step into the field they become so vulnerable to the opponent. This group consists of people who are masters in everything else but business. They think well, speak well, do any given work, but goof up when it comes to romance. J

The last but not the least (rather they are THE best) category is of “60X60X24X7”, who just eat, drink, smell, breathe romance 60 seconds X 60 minutes X 24 hours X 7 days. The very reason why they live is for love. It’s because of them romance is still alive. I am 200% sure I am not in that list. I seriously regret that…

There are also sundry cases like one-to-one, one-to-many, many-to-one, many-to-many, etc. Considering the space, time and knowledge constraints I decide to stop bullshiting here.

Raghu maam! You were saying that you feel romantic only with your wife these days. There is one category of people who are romantic with every body else but wife (Vinayak saar – believe me, I am not at all talking about you. Luckily his wife is not there in the group. J)

I am sure the description of each category would have reminded you of some people. Some have multiple personality disorder too. They will fit in many. Please share them with the group and take away the prizes. First five entries will get a special gift voucher. Please don’t tell me that I fit in most of the categories. This is not an autobiography – Disclaimer.

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